I'd like to think that we all know our limits. But, really, how much can one person take or withstand? When things get hard we all have different ways of coping or managing the issue. Some people shut down, while other people get fired up. The determination and drive to live in some people is incomprehensible to some. There are some people that have so much resilience that they don't ever think of giving up.
What would it take to push yourself to conquer your dreams, overcome your biggest obstacles, and live a better life that you have only imagined.
Taking time for yourself is uncommon these days. We are always so busy running around. Either we are working or doing something for someone else. This morning I went back to the writing group, it had been awhile since I was there, it is where I started down the road to recovery. I remember the first day I went, how sick I was, how sad I was, and how empty I felt. The day before I went to writing group, when I left the hospital, I had planned to go to the writing group. I found it on the meetup website and told my doctor I had to get discharged, so I could go. I wasn't really hesitant to share, I think I was really wanting to put my story out there. It was part of me, it was where I was at the time, it was my story. The more I wrote and shared, the more connected I felt with the writers in the group. Now 5 years later, the group has seen my transformation. They have seen me rise up from the sick, weak girl that I was to the strong and confident woman I am today. If it weren't for the writing group and taking the time for myself, that day, I don't think I would be where I am today. I am grateful for taking the time for myself and joining a group that has really seen me through quite a journey.
We are so quick to judge. So quick to remark. So quick to make assumptions. 1st impressions can lead us in the wrong direction. Think about all the people you wouldn't be acquainted with if you went by your first impression.
Today be more kind to others by having an open mind. Be a compassionate person. Be a better listener and not so much a talker. Everyone has a history and a story. Everyone is fighting their own demons. Everyone has times of feeling ashamed and embarrassed, self conscious and unsure. Put yourself in their shoes, what would you want someone to see in you that they may not see in the first minute of knowing you?
I recently re-read a quote that has stuck with me for years since the first time I read it. "A flower does not compete with the one next to it, it just blooms".
I did a series of equine therapy sessions and this is the exact take away I got from those times in the pasture with the horses. I went into equine therapy with this notion that I was never good enough and that I always let people down no matter what I did. I cared so much of what people thought of me that it affected my actions, it affected how I lived in this world, it kept me stuck in the cycle of the eating disorder symptoms. What I learned from those horses is that they are always themselves. They stand in the pasture not comparing themselves to each other, they eat hay when they are hungry, they poop and pee when they need to, they play when they want, they run when they feel like it, they lay down and sleep when they are tired. Horses, even amongst 15 of them, do exactly what they want to do because they think about themselves. The horse doesn't compete with another horse, it doesn't feel jealous; the horse is the horse, and spends its day being just that. And that is enough.
I learned that I needed to be more like the horses. Be who I am and that is enough. It's easier now living without an eating disorder to say that I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished for myself, but when I was deep in my eating disorder I was ashamed of myself, I was not confident, I was not healthy to make important decisions. Now, I'm lucky to say those days are over. When I look in the mirror I can look back at myself and feel a sense of pride, confidence, excitement and happiness. Yes some people's options of me still get me down at times, but not nearly as much as they used to. It's all about progress not perfection; and I am definitely making huge strides.
I am married to a man that I met at a writing group and have 2 big dogs that bring a lot of joy to my life. I like to go camping and hiking and spend time with my friends and family. I have been a registered nurse for 10 years and work with people who have mental health issues and people with drug and alcohol addictions. I have been in recovery from my eating disorder since Oct 2013.